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Revamped: Part 1!
by Matt
by Matt
So Richard's got his mind pretty set on this whole vampire thing. He wants to be prepared, though, so he conveniently picks up some informative reading material.
Everything you Always Wanted to Know About Vampires
Perfect. Now that he's ready to become a vampire, all he's gotta do now is wait for his Kiss of Death "service representative" to arrive. And arrive she does. Out of the fog emerges an older woman, a total cougar. She would probably be considered a milf (or vilf?) if she were a bit younger. Richard greets her by shoving a cross in her face. He's a classy guy.
We find out her name is Lilith. So Richard and Lilith make some really odd small talk. It's very short, but they eventually get to this exchange.
Lilith: "I'm real sorry to hear about your wife."HEY DUDE, SORRY YOUR WIFE'S A SLUT! There was absolutely no mention of Richard's wife when she brings this up, so that makes it even better. To console Richard, we are treated to yet another awkward makeout scene.
Richard: "How do you know about my wife?"
Lilith: "Well, word is she gets around."
After this, Richard pledges his undying devotion for Lilith. Regardless of the fact that they just met minutes ago and that Richard knows absolutely nothing about her except the fact that she's a vampire, he knows he wants to spend eternity with her.
Then she bites him.
Congratulations, now you know what Jeff Rector looks like when he's having an orgasm!
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