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Revamped: Part 2!
by Matt
by Matt
Read Part 1 here!
We last left off with our film's protagonist dead and bitten by a vampire, all part of a devious plan to get back at his wife for cheating on him. His plan backfired, though, and he got cremated. So it goes. We now return five years later to the respectably-named Coffin Stuffers Funeral Home.
"We bury the cost along with the lost!"
So we're off to a fantastic start with some more awful puns. The vampire infomercial from earlier in the film was pretty bad with puns, but Coffin Stuffers puts it to shame. Jeff really stepped it up a notch. Or down depending on how you look at it.
We're actually treated to a commercial for Coffin Stuffers later in the movie. Besides a multitude of bad puns, the commercial also features a weird old dude talking next to a corpse in a wheelchair. You know, really solid visual imagery that makes you want to use their services.
We enter the mortuary to find Lurch, a dead body and some greasy, mustachioed dude in a wheelchair.
That's Lurch's arm in the shot, fyi.
GreaseStache McWheelchair clumsily bumps into the table with the dead body on it. Lurch scolds him and tells him to be careful; they already revoked his license! Oh dear! Wheelie quips back with "I'm not used to driving a stick!" Hyuk hyuk! He then reminds him of the terrible earthquake a few years back, the earthquake that he hurt his legs in. This earthquake AND Greaseface's wheelchair predicament are never mentioned ever again in the entire movie. All of that was nothing but setup for that shitty one-liner.
I really almost turned the movie off at this point, but I'm so glad I stuck it out, because not ten seconds later this awful filler of a scene instantly became my favorite in the entire film.
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2000-2008
